Carlin Ross and Betty Dodson discuss sex positivity, unrepentant slutiness, and how to get off for the world to see. Finding a job in a post employment society is hard. Doing your taxes is hard. Threading a needle is hard. Changing a tire is hard. Pre-med classes? Hard. Making Hollandaise sauce? Double-boiler hard. Long distance relationships are hard. Double Dutch is hard. Spending time with your family after a long time of no contact is extremely hard. Orgasming is hard.
Yep, you read right: orgasming is a difficult thing to do.
This is due to a large number of factors, ranging from inability to concentrate, sexual frustration, emotional bandwidth, the dynamic of your relationship, if you’re physically uncomfortable (cold, hot, sick, in physical danger, worried, stressed)—really any goddam thing could come along and interfere with your God-given right to get off. Orgasming sometimes takes time (and sometimes the anxiety of the right amount of time it takes to orgasm, since you want to make sure you aren’t taking too long/getting off too quickly), comfort with the sexual situation, negotiation, and discussion before it can be achieved.
So imagine, if you will, the persnickety nature of coming. Then imagine trying to take all of those anxieties and insecurities to a place where the stakes are even higher: on camera. Orgasming in a public space takes body-consciousness and awareness to an entirely new level. No longer are you just worried about your own sexual obstacles, or the obstacles of the person who’s face you are riding (if you are indeed not just making a solo moment of it), but you are worried about all of the other, highly visible parts of you that may be subject to scrutiny by lawd knows whom.
Carlin Ross puts her sexual prowess to task in a recent article on the honesty of orgasming on camera, by discussing how she unrepentantly decided to go into porn after a career of law: “Deep down I'd hoped for some sort of congratulations for having the confidence to present my sexual self to the world...for displaying that sort of vulnerability. Maybe I thought they'd see the difference between images that titillate and images that educate. Ultimately, there is no difference. Not only did my choice affect my relationship, but it affected me. I experienced intense feelings of liberation. The worst thing you can call a woman is "whore". The worst thing you can do is have a sex tape go public (although a sex tape launched the Kardashian brand). As a woman, you can be sexual but you have to either repent or blame your boyfriend to get back in America's good graces. I was unrepentant. I owned it.”
Ross talks about how taking Betty Dodson’s orgasm techniques classes changed her life. In Betty’s Bodysex Workshops, Ross relearned how to overcome her sexual shame and guilt—factors which make orgasming (especially on film!) particularly difficult: “Relaunching the bodysex workshops took my liberation one step further. There's no greater feeling than healing women's body shame and sexual guilt. You can't do this work and hold on to any baggage. You must be clear, grounded, and open. And I love being naked with other women in a non-performance/no agenda environment. After doing 6 workshops, I realized the brilliance of Betty's orgasm techniques. Taking the women through her rock n' roll technique to the pillow fuck was transformative. It just works. I started to script out in my mind how I'd perform all these positions and techniques on camera.”
The combination of practical, utilitarian technique with no-judgment body and sex positivity that is evident in both Ross and Dodson’s work is staggering. They offer sound medical and reproductive advice, as well as sex advice that takes into consideration the whole self, including emotional landscape and systemic oppression. All of these factors are incorporated in order to ensure that you are able to have the skills necessary to have the best orgasms you can possibly have, and deal with all of the hurdles that come in between you and the sex life of your dreams.
